The IRS and Gay Couples

Here is another example of why the grieving process takes so long, and why resolving someone's estate when you cannot get married is so damn complicated.

The IRS called today. They need another form.

A line on my partner's 2008 tax return is begin questioned (not a big issue, I don't believe). I followed the instructions in the letter and called the IRS last week; however, they cannot even talk to me about it, the clerk said, without getting a copy of the death certificate and the Certificate of Authority (the form you get after the will goes through probate court). I sent them both, by fax, last week, which prompted today's call.

At first the person I spoke with insisted that the IRS must have on file a Power of Attorney form (POAs are supposedly invalid after someone dies, but why question the IRS?). So, I went to the website while she was still on the phone and began filling it out. But we had to stop on page two where it asks what your relationship is with the tax payer. There is no choice for "partner," and despite spending 25 years together, I am not considered "family." Technically speaking, I was told "you have no standing." So, here's reason #437 why we need federally-recognized gay marriage.

The clerk, who was, I'm happy to say, very nice, told me I would instead need to fill out a Form 8821. She waited on the line to help me complete it, after which I faxed it to the IRS. Now, hopefully, I have standing.

Just one more form, another hour of time, and all so I can answer their questions about my partner's tax return. Now I can write the letter about the 2008 return and they will talk to me. And why am I sure that this will prompt another call or another letter or another form or all of that?