Old cards and letters

Today I hope to list the condo unit my partner bought, and that was our spare bedroom when company came, for rent. The new carpeting was installed while I was out of town, giving the place an entirely different look.

I have now gone through the last of his personal items that were in that unit and gave away much of what was left to a porter in the building. I have two pieces of furniture left to sell and some odds and ends that I will either bring to my unit or take to the Goodwill.

Among the items I found yesterday were some very old cards and letters, including the first birthday card I gave my partner after we'd met. I did not expect to find any such cards, much less one as significant as this one. My note in the card, written 25 years ago, spoke about us being together forever--never expecting that he would not live much beyond his sixtieth birthday. It was a very emotional moment, something that is more likely to occur when I'm tired. (And I was tired yesterday. My flight the night before was very delayed because of weather and I didn't get to sleep until 1:30 a.m.)

With new carpeting installed and most of his furniture gone, the apartment no longer looks as much like his place. That's become important because it was so hard for me to walk in the door and see all of his old things. How can you move on when you are surrounded by memories? I sometimes fee disloyal, finding it difficult to get on with my life while not erasing every memory of our time together. It's a balancing act I have yet to learn.